The Pathetic Trainer

It’s been almost six months since I started this new job at the maternity hospital. So much to tell, with so little time available. It is this fact, the lack of time available for reading/writing/having fun, that is haunting me. I’m afraid I’m turning into a character I’ve been despising for years, that is, an individual running on money, just like how a car runs on gas.

It’s surprisingly thought provoking when I recall the time I used to work in Biomedical Engineering, going hand in hand with this trainer whose morals were curiously questioned, and the overflowing enthusiasm I had back then. Back then, I always wanted to do the best I can, learn the best I can, and help as many people as I can. And here comes the funny part: I did not take a single penny. I somehow had the power and will to work overtime, help this and help that, all for the sake of, what exactly? I don’t know. Professionalism maybe? Conscience? Good will?

But that doesn’t matter. What matters is the powerful dedication that I had during these months as a Biomedical Engineer, that came to fade the moment I started working in return for a salary. Something happened, deep down inside, the moment I received my first salary in my hands from our financial manager. What happened exactly? I have no idea, but I have some clues to work on.

My dedication for work began to change its skin, little by little, gradually turning into a dedication for money. I’ve become motivated to do this and do that only if a material return is promised. The thought of helping someone with a job is slowly being haunted by the thought:

If you're good at something, never do it for free!

My interest in doing the things that I love is deliberately coming to a halt. I rarely play my guitar nowadays, I never open my reader to read what my fellow bloggers have to say. Even Facebook, the one tool that I use to interact with my old school friends, is being affected and slowly becoming an occasional thing.

All of a sudden, I find myself in this trainer’s shoes. I remember the times he used to rest, counting remaining hours/minutes/seconds to go home with a day’s money he did not work for. All I thought of back then was; What is wrong with this guy? Why is he acting so pathetically, carelessly not worrying about his duties, and just waiting for the end of the month to receive his salary? And before I know it, I became the pathetic trainer.

When did money become my number one interest? Does the lifestyle of paying your own bills and expenses have to do with any of this? Or is it the monetary system as a whole that is responsible for exposing people to such behavior? What about you? Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve noticed how voluntary work can be more sincere?



Just a Random Update

It has been like an everlasting struggle to keep one’s head above the water, with notorious creatures lurking around you, anticipating the moment you fail to survive. One would excuse those creatures, if they were to gain benefit from your failure. But no. It seems that some creatures anticipate your submission without an apparent reason. Sometimes it’s the absence of a motive that throws in the confusion, making it hard to perceive, or even believe a certain action.

The past few months have been quite tough on us, my mom and I, since she has lost her job as a university Professor, and all of a sudden we were forced to reconsider our options. Since my presence here in Saudi Arabia was dependent on hers, both of us were faced with the option of returning back to our home country Egypt, where the unrest seems never-ending. Another option, was for me to start a job, and become an independent immigrant. And luckily for me, I thankfully found a job that would cover my rent and expenses for a while, until something better shows up for me, and hopefully life starts to blossom, hopefully.

The way I see it, my mom lost her job because of three reasons. The first, was a reckless action she took a while ago, asking for a sick leave from her Egyptian university, while traveling back over here to resume her work as an immigrant. The second, was a fellow colleague of hers over here, knowing about what she had done over there, making a call to the Egyptian university to inform them about this breach. Finally, it turns out that this same fellow colleague of hers, has been back stabbing her for a while, eventually leading to the termination of her contract here.

Regardless to my mom’s mistake, it’s kind of saddening to see someone from your own home country wishing you the worst. That’s exactly how most Egyptians deal with each other abroad, and I have no idea why. I mean, when I look at other nationalities like Indians for example or Filipinos, they’re helping each other rise in their work and social life. Unlike Arabs, or Egyptians to be precise; there’s always some envy going on, there’s always some kind of hidden hatred that floats to the surface whenever it gets the chance. We really need help.

Anyhow, I’ve been working for like two months now, and thankfully everything has been going smoothly. I’m in a Maternity and Children’s Hospital, responsible for doing the statistics, as well as taking care of the IT department. So far the working environment couldn’t be better, thank God. People are really friendly and helpful. There’s just this small issue that has been bothering me slightly. I’m sitting in an office with three Filipino females, and they keep talking to each other in a language I don’t speak, probably in Tagalog, or so I’ve reached in my Google search about the language they speak. And this issue spreads to the whole Hospital, where 90% of the workers are Filipinos. The moment you step inside the Hospital, you are stepping into a Filipino Territory. Everyone speaks in Tagalog, they only speak English with clients or when they need something from you.

For that reason, I’ve decided to start learning Tagalog! Just in case someone decided to make fun of you in a language you don’t speak, you could confidently understand what they’re talking about. There’s this awesome software that easily teaches you any foreign language you wish to learn, and pretty much effectively as if you’re learning it at school. It’s called Rosetta Stone, check it out if you’re interested.

That’s it for now, I hope you’re all doing great. I will try to keep you updated with what’s going on with me as much as I can.

Thank you for reading


To God We Belong

To God we belong, and to Him we shall return; A sentence we, Muslims, say in the face of any catastrophe, reminding ourselves of our origin and eventually our destiny. Our eyes flood with tears, our hearts burn with sorrow, but we never speak of anything other than what pleases God; Another sentence we repeat after our Holy Prophet in the face of similar circumstances.

Death is the most denied fact of all time. We refuse to believe that it is true. We live our lives from the East to the West, distracted by this world’s goods, and we seldom think of what may happen to us the moment we leave our bodies and head towards our Creator. We prefer to think otherwise, although we are similar to passengers travelling on a train, with each passenger leaving it when reaching his destination station.

My Grandfather passed away last Monday morning, so we booked a ticket back to Egypt as soon as possible to share our grief with the rest of our family members and loved ones. Unfortunately, me and my mom didn’t have the privilege of attending his burial due to the lack of time and flights available. But we did attend the funeral, and we were told that the burial went so smoothly, with everything facilitated and blessed.

To me he wasn’t only my Grandfather. He was my Father, who raised my cousins and I all together, among whom were orphans. He was a friend, with whom we all enjoyed sitting and joking with everyday. His hands has never hurt anyone, his mouth has never spoken badly about anyone, and his heart has never carried an atom of hate towards anyone. He was surely a rare combination of character, that hardly exists in this world.

His wide smile is what resonates in everyone’s memory of him, as he rarely took it off his face. He was deeply loved by everyone, a love that was reflected in the massive amounts of people attending his burial and praying for him.

Grandpa.. The magnitude of the love you gave us cannot be put into words. You gave us hope and faith in humanity involuntarily through your unique character. You taught us how to enjoy life peacefully, without any form of agitation. You showed us how a real man should treat his wife, through your devotion to our Grandmother, during her life and afterwards. You brought joy to everywhere you went, and took it with you the moment you left. Life can never be the same without you in it.

I pray God to have mercy on you, and to reunite all of us once again in Heaven, Amen.

May Allah be with us all

Life Goes On

Life goes on, shoving away anyone standing in its way, refusing to go on with it. Everyday we are forced to start over, regardless to how we feel. There is no pause button. There is no time to cry. Like a stampede, you either get to run with it, or you get stepped on.

I wanted to update you guys with my news and stuff, and was waiting for any good news to show up. But it turns out I will have to wait forever before something like that happens.

Since my last ‘Back on Track’ post, my grandfather’s condition deteriorated, he had to enter the ICU, and we had to travel back to Egypt to be near him. So my mom and I took a quick vacation and went back to check on him. We stayed there for about 12 days. The ICU visiting hours were 1:00 pm and 6:00 pm. Although he was always asleep and not aware of us around him, we went there on a daily basis, reading some prayers beside him, and hoped that the doctors would tell us good news.

The only good news that we received during this quick vacation, was that he was on the ventilator machine, and that now he’s finally breathing on his own without it.

So it was really tough, we’re all greatly depressed by what has happened to him. I know you guys here are wonderful people, and I’m sure that if I asked you to keep him in your thoughts and prayers you all would, and I’m totally sure that it would make a big difference, if God wills.

Moving on to my career plan, the last that you’ve heard from me was that I worked in this hospital, where they move lifeless bodies covered in white sheets, and keep critical machines, that patients rely on, not working. Well, thankfully, something else showed up lately.

A Communications Engineer here in Saudi Arabia got my CV, interviewed me on Skype, and is currently interested in meeting me face to face to arrange how we could start working with each other. So thankfully, right now, I am left with two options: Either I keep on working with those amateurs at the hospital, and continue losing my faith in humanity bit by bit. Or I could give it a try with this Communications Engineer, and see what I can do there.

In case you don’t already know, I took my bachelor degree in Communications Engineering. So working with this guy in this field would be very useful to my career, I think.

Anyway, I do hope that the best is yet to come. I’m terribly sorry if I’m not following up much with all of you, I do owe you an apology.

On a side note, I would love to know why I don’t see RCC posts anymore. I sure hope everyone is motivated enough, one way or another, to keep on living his/her dream.

Thank you for reading, I love you all <3


Back on Track

I know I haven’t been active allot lately. Things have been really sick literally and emotionally. I’m currently trying to have the grasp I had on my life before, while being active with my goals. I think I need to rewrite my goals, lots of changes have been happening, maybe If I stick with one goal at a time, or maybe working on some on a weekly basis would be okay.

Tomorrow I will go back to work, start over, and see what karma has for me in the next days.

Thank you for reading, you are all awesome, and I miss all of you :)

My Grandfather

I am back home in Egypt to spend a two months vacation with my lovely family. I became deeply saddened by what I saw the moment I arrived home. Remember how life is so fragile? Well, I am reminded by that every single moment of everyday.

Four months ago, back in Saudi Arabia, my grandfather was visiting us, me and my mom, with my cousin DouDou, and I remember we had such a beautiful time together. Everyone was so happy, the weather was perfect, we even went to Mecca, prayed in Almasjid Alharam mosque, performed Umrah, and despite the fact that we missed our flight back from Mecca, it was so much fun to be together.

But my grandfather sadly fell on his head the moment he arrived home in Egypt, had a minor concussion, and his frontal lobe got affected by this incident. It was shocking to hear the news of someone who was just with you a few hours ago perfectly fine, saying that he has lost some memories, having behavioral changes, and is no longer able to communicate like before.

I was skeptical the whole time I was in Saudi Arabia, thinking that everyone was kind of exaggerating the situation. But when I arrived here, and laid my eyes on him for the first time since the accident, I acknowledged that it was true. I kept having flashbacks of his sense of humor, his smile that never left his face, his humble personality, and how he has never hurt anyone physically or emotionally.

I pray God to ease his pain that we cannot feel, bless him for what he was and still is, and bless us through him. Although he’s not fully with us nowadays, but we owe him the benefit of combining all of us together, around him every single day.


This is a picture of he and I, while I was still a UFO creature.

UsThis is a picture of the three of us, myself – my mother – DouDou – him, in Saudi Arabia, a couple days before the accident.

Thank you for reading, may God be with us all..


Superheroes vs Villains

Working in a huge hospital has made me see lots of things that grabbed my attention. The look patients have in their eyes while being pushed into an operation room, or the one their relatives have while walking beside them, hoping that everything goes well and as planned. The look that patients sitting on wheel chairs have while watching people walking around them in every direction. Or the way workers push lifeless bodies covered in white sheets into the morgue.

Every single scene brings lots of different thoughts into my mind. It’s possible that I won’t be affected by those scenes in the future the way I am today. Adaptation plays an important role in our lives. I could imagine workers dealing with bodies covered in white sheets with apathy today, were feeling differently during their first month at the job.

I always looked at the doctors’ and nurses’ occupation very seriously, thinking that the quality of their work can either save lives, reduce pain, or vice versa. I always thought that doctors carry full responsibility for anything unusual that happens to the patients they’re treating. That gave me a glimpse of the kind of burden doctors and nurses carry, that is sometimes not seen or neglected.

But now I’m looking from a different perspective. Seeing the quality of work that my trainer offers in fixing very critical machines, made me think of how we ‘Engineers’ carry the same burden that doctors carry. The smallest malfunction in one of those machines can alter a patient’s destiny. For a small example, ECG machines, if not working properly as they should, could give false reading, resulting in false diagnosis. Or imagine patients with Chronic Kidney Diseases, relying fully on Hemodialysis machines to clean their bodies from toxic wastes, instead of their kidneys. You catch my drift?

So I guess every single one working at a hospital plays an important role. Every single person is either a superhero, or a villain. If you’re doing your best at your job, especially when someone’s life is on the line, then you’re definitely a superhero. But if you’re carelessly spending your working hours, counting remaining minutes to take a break, not aware of your responsibilities, then you’re definitely a villain.

I’m currently still learning. This Biomedical Engineering field is a whole different branch that I wasn’t introduced to in college. I’m just following my instincts here, that’s all. Maybe in the future, if I worked with them at the hospital, I could do something about the system. The system where workers are more concerned to do their job to avoid getting fired, rather than doing their job because someone’s life is on the line.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. May Allah be with us all.


Blogging, Nonsense & Thankfulness

Lately I’ve been looking at the blogging experience from a different perspective other than improving my writing skills through interpreting what’s happening. A group therapy like perspective, as if we are all one family, traveling on the same journey heading to the same destination. Every now and then it’s someone’s turn to speak out his mind and we all have to listen to what he has to say. If he needs some kind of help that is within our capability we do not hesitate to offer him the help he needs.

Sometimes the benefits that come from someone just speaking out his mind are way beyond our expectations. These individual thoughts when translated into words written on a post for us to read can be full of inspiration not just for the writer of these thoughts, but for everyone reading them.

Ever since I grew up, I have been always assuming that everyone around me is good until proven otherwise. In religion or spirituality, it is a sign of mercy to think of the intentions of the people around you as good, and wisdom to assume that God wants nothing but the best for us. As time went by, it turns out that there is a thin line between assuming good from the people around you, and being a complete idiot. It’s nice to assume that the people around you are well intentioned, but not applicable at all times. Some circumstances require the complete opposite. Like being in a rat race for example, while assuming that the people around you are nothing more than rats.

Another thing has been occupying my mind lately is the obsession with perfectionism. Besides from having an OCD, because I believe that we all suffer from OCD with varying forms. But for me whenever I get involved in any activity, I cannot tolerate the fact that it can be done better without doing so. If I am required to record a music track that I have written for example, I am prepared to record it a million times until the outcome is 100% clear of any flaws. While those flaws may not even be recognized by the listeners.

But thinking of this perfectionism issue on a larger scale, like daily decisions that involve arranging priorities, relationship issues, or even choosing your life partner, it can be devastating! So I am trying to overcome this problem by acknowledging that it is part of who we are as human beings to make mistakes, forget, fall into sins, etc., without making a fuss out of everything.

I just finished my first week at my training for the job as a Biomedical Engineer in a large hospital. It’s so far very interesting. I follow my trainer everywhere he goes. We get daily calls and complaints from different departments about machines that are not working properly, and so we head to fix those machines as soon as possible. But his work appears to me somehow very careless. I don’t know if it’s my OCD manifesting itself or is it my conscious that is awake. The guy appears knowledgeable and all, and he fixes the machines, but he doesn’t make sure that the problems doesn’t persist. There’s always a 50% chance the machine will malfunction once again, and I actually witnessed it with my own eyes during this week!

I’m still new and all, and I know it’s too early to jump to conclusions, but nevertheless I’m spending some time learning something new, which is my goal. But if I was the boss of that trainer, I wouldn’t keep him in that position, just saying! I wouldn’t accept the work of someone so careless, or at least I would do something about it other than firing him.

But all in all I am thankful. I am thankful for finding a job, learning something new, having a bunch of amazing fellow bloggers here reading my nonsense. Everyday I get to discover new bloggers who turn out to be more awesome than I expected. My working hours has caused the number of cigarettes I smoke to shrink, which is awesome! So there’s lots of reasons to feel happy, optimistic, hopeful, etc.

There’s this famous quote from the famous American Beauty that I think about often. “Its hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world.” – Lester Burnham.

Thank you for reading!


Good News

After a long tough road full of obstacles and difficulties, I finally reach my destination, sort of. I finally started training for a job two days ago! I mean yaay! right? Yeah I guess so, at least I’m spending the next month or so getting ready to start a job, instead of searching for one, and for that I am thankful.

It’s surprising to see God putting certain kinds of people in your way, facilitating everything for you the way you want it. Well not exactly the way my greedy self wants it, but it definitely turned out much easier than I expected. Lets just hope for the best, as I still have a loooong way of goals and dreams to accomplish. Or as Robert Frost used to say: “The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”

I’m so happy I got to know a variety of bloggers, who helped me allot realize the meaning of unconditional love, support, that I am not alone, and that we can be so close to each other no matter how far we are on the map.

I woke up yesterday morning and realized I was nominated by the amazing Kira for the versatile blogger award! That was another yaay! moment for me :) Thank you so much for your generosity. Although I am a new follower of your blog, but I already fell in love with your posts, frankly speaking. I’m not saying so to return you a favor, I really fell in love with them! I wish you continued success in wrestling life while inspiring all of us around you.

I know I have a part to do in this award nomination, I will do my best to cover it. My spare time actually has shrunk allot, as well as my energy. I wake up so early in the morning and do allot of physical effort during work, may consider it part of the weekly exercise! By the time I return home, I have enough energy to do nothing but carry myself toward the bed. Maybe because I’m still at the beginning, maybe I’ll get used to it, or maybe this physical effort will decrease in time. I’ll do my best and hope for it.

Thank you comrades!

May Allah be with us all



True Cost

Today I stumbled upon an amazing post by the amazing rarasaur, which turned out to be episode 7 of Prompts for the Promptless, and was entitled True Cost. Everyone is welcome to participate, click here to find out how!

True Cost is a term for the often-overlooked, comprehensive expense of something, including the time-related and emotional costs.

She gave us several suggestions to help us, out of which I chose to share a story about a situation that surprised me with the revealing of ‘True Cost’. There it goes:

The apartment where we live in, in Cairo, is a very special apartment. Its not by the Nile nor by an amazing view. It doesn’t have hardwood or parquet flooring, and it’s not really furnished in an excellent way. My grandpa bought that apartment long before my mom and her sisters got married. They lived in this apartment until my mom and her three sisters (My Aunts) got married one by one. Then when we (grandchildren) came to this world, they gathered us all every week for a family reunion in this apartment with our grand parents. Sometimes we even got to spend the whole weekend there, other times we stayed for the whole week and went to school directly from there.

My cousins and I were raised together in that apartment. My cousin Mostafa and I rode our virtual dinosaurs and helped protect our planet. My cousin Dina and I used umbrellas as parachutes to slow down our falling speed from bed to floor. Sometimes she’d put a rope around my neck and pull me around; a scene that would instantly turn my mom grumpy. We watched our favorite movies, ate our favorite food, played hide and seek, doctor and patient, and lots of games that I cannot fully recall. All our childhood memories lie within this apartment with all its furniture. There isn’t a room, chair, or table that hasn’t got memories attached to it.

But that was more than 25 years ago, when all we cared about was games, movies, food, skipping school, throwing wooden clips off the balcony, etc.

After our grandma passed away, my mom and aunts were thinking of putting the apartment for sale. They were arguing about how the neighborhood became more dense with people in the last 25 years, and how it would be more convenient to move to a newer, less crowded neighborhood. Now that each and everyone of them has her own place to stay, they were thinking of selling it and making use of the good money that would come out of it. Maybe buy a new apartment with a garden attached to it.

When I heard about this situation, I kept thinking thoroughly about the true value of this apartment. For my cousins and I, it’s not how many rooms and bathrooms or how big its living room is that would determine its cost. It’s the years we experienced together, the games we played, the movies we watched, the sleepovers we had. Its the priceless cost of our childhood memories with each other. That’s the true cost of this apartment, which cannot be replaced by any other apartment, no matter how fancy, no matter how elegant.

Eventually they became distracted for some reason from their desire to sell the apartment. I hope life keeps distracting them from doing so forever!

A famous Egyptian poet by the name of Amal Donqol, once wrote a poem with a verse that says:

Do you get to see when I remove your eyeballs and replace them with two pieces of diamonds? Some things just cannot be replaced!”

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Thanks rara :)